Essays & Whatever

Bob Newhart / Dean Martin - Toupee Return

2011-09-16T04:47:00.000-07:00

very funny routine!!!
http://youtu.be/sFNV_8QV7B0

funny, but sad GED answers

2011-09-15T15:32:00.000-07:00

The following questions were set in last year's GED examination
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)...........

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U.. (wtf!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG I had to read this twice! "do dishes".)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant! )

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

thank you: ELSBETH MANZANO

Social Security

2011-09-15T06:15:00.001-07:00

A retired man goes to the social security office to apply for SS. The clerk asks him for his identification but he seemed to forgot it at home. The clerk says, "Unbutton your shirt." The man thought the clerk's request was a bit odd but he unbuttoned anyway. The clerk says, "Ok you're approved. The white hairs on your chest is enough proof for me." The man returns home and tells his wife about his experience. The wife says, "You should've dropped your pants. You would've gotten disability too.
(from Facebook)

It's hell to be Old

2011-09-15T06:12:00.001-07:00

OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet !

An 85-year-old man was told by the Doctor that he needed a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth …; first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'

The doctor was shocked!
'You asked your neighbor?'

The old man replied,
'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'

(from Facebook)

Catholic Shampoo

2011-08-19T12:24:00.000-07:00

Two nuns were shopping at a 7-11 store. as they passed by the beer
cooler, one nun said to the other, "Wouldn't a nice cool beer or two
taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?"

The second nun answered, "Indeed it would, sister, but I would not
feel comfortable buying beer, since I am certain it would cause a
scene at the checkout stand."

"I can handle that without a problem" the other nun replied, and she
picked up a six-pack and headed for the check-out.

The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived
with a six-pack of beer. "We use beer for washing our hair" the nun
said, "back at our nunnery, we call it catholic shampoo.

Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter. pulled
out a package of pretzel sticks, and placed them in the bag with the
beer. He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled, and said:
"The curlers are on the house."

from Michael Miller, a Facebook friend

WATERMELON INTO ROSES

2011-08-18T04:10:00.000-07:00

Watch a watermelon carved into a bowl of roses.

Amazing artistry

Thank you: ELSBETH MANZANO

MY LAST TRIP TO COSTCO

2011-08-17T03:16:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was Laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say. Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends...it will be their laugh for the day!

Very funny!!! Thank you, ELSBETH MANZANO.

Will Rodgers Quotes

2010-08-27T10:28:00.000-07:00

Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash with his best friend, Wylie
Post, was probably the greatest political sage this country ever has known.

Enjoy the following:

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman... Neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into
your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who
learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and
find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad
judgment.

10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then
to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started
roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral:
When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

ABOUT GROWING OLDER...

First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age
and start bragging about it.

Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people
to know 'why' I look this way. I've travelled a long way, and some of the
roads weren't paved.

Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think
of Algebra.

Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or
leaks.

Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is
such a nice change from being young.

Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was
called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.

And, finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have
anything to laugh at when you are old.

Contributed by: Rick Mines

Abraham Lincoln -- The Gettysburg Address

2010-06-06T08:18:00.001-07:00

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth, upon this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived, and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met here on a great battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of it as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But in a larger sense we can not dedicate - we can not consecrate - we can not hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled, here, have consecrated it far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember, what we say here, but can never forget what they did here.

It is for us, the living, rather to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they have, thus far, so nobly carried on. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us - that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they here gave the last full measure of devotion - that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain; that this nation shall have a new birth of freedom; and that this government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.
read article

Teabagger's Computer Vocabulary

2010-06-01T08:30:00.000-07:00

*Backup - What you do when you run across a liberal in the woods.
*Bug – What you do to your Congressman at a town hall meeting.
*Byte - What your pit-bull did to your Barack Obama doll.
*Chip – The smart son who can load a magazine in 32 seconds.
*Terminal – Socialist Amtrak station.
*Crash - When you go to a Starbucks Coffee by mistake.
*Digital - Counting to nine on your fingers.
*Fax – Rush Limbaugh’s opinion.
*Hacker – Your wife after 26 years of smoking.
*Hardcopy - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos.
*Internet - Where you put your hair at work.
*Keyboard - Where you hang the keys to the Hummer.
*Mac – Your favorite restaurant.
*Megahertz - How your head feels after listening to "Barry".
*Modem - What you do to liberals who want socialist health care.
*Mousepad– Nancy Pelosi’s office
*Network – Fox News.
*PC – Losing your freedom of hate speech.
*ROM - Where the pope lives.
*Screen – Camouflaged netting to hide ammo stash.
*Serial Port – Boones Farm with breakfast.
*Superconductor – Glenn Beck, but Lou Dobbs is getting better every day.
*SCSI (pronounced scuzzi) – Your first cousin after sex.
*WYSIWYG – 5.5 inches.

A Visit to the Camarillo Aviation Museum

2010-05-30T02:23:00.000-07:00

Her blond hair blowing in the wind, I embraced my sweetheart of 40 years. We stood in front of one of the three remaining operational Japanese Zero fighter aircraft complete with Rising Sun insignia. At an annual air show it dogfights with a vintage American plane and trails smoke to signal its loss from a generator fitted to its fuselage. It is a study in contrast and cultural change that has occurred in Japan and America.

Noriko is from Yaeyama, an island South of Okinawa where men of her father’s age drilled to fight an American invasion with bamboo sticks. Fortunately, Yaeyama was not invaded, but Okinawa was quite another issue. I met her in the USO in Naha, Okinawa in 1964 where she was practicing English and we took Sunday tours with our friends to various sites around the island. I was very well received by all and although there were cultural differences and the fighting had been fearsome, Americans were well respected and appreciated for the help and consideration we provided after the war ended. In fact, many went out of their way to help me when I traveled in countries where I did not know the local language. Somehow with dictionaries we exchanged nouns and with rudimentary language skills we communicated in a most basic form. And most importantly, we enjoyed each other’s company.

At that time I took a trip to Kagoshima, a city in Southern Japan. I had reserved a space in a special second class room on the main deck of a Japanese ship. We had a picturesque view of the sea through house-type windows of our room. Several passengers were already there and soon there would be a dozen of us—I was the only non-Japanese. It was to be a 24-hour trip and I had no idea what food would be served so I brought along some fruit. Each of us found a spot on the carpeted floor as in the style there was no furniture. I was hungry and I offered some fruit to my fellow passengers—one accepted.

A Japanese man had visited his parents in Okinawa and was returning to his home in Hiroshima where he was a steelworker in a ship building yard. His English was as good as my Japanese—quite limited. As it turned out we went around together on the ship and Kagoshima. We bought tickets on the same train as I was going to Tokyo.

In the dining car I decided that it was my turn as he had paid our way in Kagoshima including a taxi tour with a driver and uniformed female guide. After dinner and a second beer the waitress placed the bill with laser-like precision between us. With lightning swiftness I snatched it. But, before I could get away he had my wrist in a vise like grip and there was little I could do but relent and release the precious bill. So I asked, “Why, its my turn?” He struggled with language and we exchanged dictionaries. He pulled a scrap of paper from his pocket and wrote, “You have no house in my country.” I was his guest.

We didn’t exchange addresses, but I wondered why he had spent so much for a stranger and then I thought that perhaps an American soldier had helped his parents in Okinawa after the war. It had been a time of famine and the basics of life were totally lacking as in so much of Japan.

I am delighted that President Obama and the new administration are doing their best to bridge international gaps of understanding caused by cultural differences and antagonisms. It is truely the Christian, Moslem, and human thing to do.

A Message by George Carlin

2009-07-20T18:01:00.000-07:00

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and
smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer
space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are
days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing
in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, ' I love you ' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

contributed by: Betty Manzano

Medal of Honor Winner: Ed Freeman

2009-07-13T18:07:00.000-07:00

You're an 19 year old kid. You're critically wounded, and dying in the jungle in the Ia Drang Valley, 11-14-1965, LZ X-ray, Vietnam. Your infantry unit is outnumbered 8–1, and the enemy fire is so intense from 100 or 200 yards away, that your own Infantry Commander has ordered the MediVac helicopters to stop coming in.

You're lying there, listening to the enemy machine guns, and you know you're not getting out. Your family is half way around the world—12,000 miles away—and you'll never see them again... As the world starts to fade in and out, you know this is the day.

Then, over the machine gun noise, you faintly hear that sound of helicopter, and you look up to see an un-armed Huey, but it doesn't seem real, because no Medi-Vac markings are on it.

Ed Freeman is coming for you. He's not Medi-Vac, so it's not his job, but he's flying his Huey down into the machine gun fire, after the Medi-Vacs were ordered not to come.

He's coming anyway.

And he drops it in, and sits there in the machine gun fire, as they load 2 or 3 of you on board.

Then he flies you up and out through the gunfire, to the doctors and nurses.

And, he kept coming back…13 more times…and took about 30 of of you and your buddies out, who would never have gotten out.

Medal of Honor Recipient, Ed Freeman, died Wednesday, March 25th, 2009 at the age of 80, in Boise, ID -- May God rest his soul.

Medal of Honor winner, Ed Freeman

Contributed by: Betty Manzano

This is Serious!

2009-05-16T11:33:00.000-07:00

This is Serious! This incident happened recently in North Texas. A woman went boating one Sunday taking with her some cans of coke which she put into the refrigerator of the boat. On Monday she was taken to the hospital and placed in the Intensive Care Unit. She died on Wednesday.

The autopsy concluded she died of Leptospirosis. This was traced to the can of coke she drank from, not using a glass. Tests showed that the can was infected by dried rat urine and hence the disease Leptospirosis.

Rat urine contains toxic and deathly substances. It is highly recommended to thoroughly wash the upper part of all soda cans before drinking out of them. The cans are typically stocked in warehouses and transported straight to the shops without being cleaned.

A study at NYCU showed that the tops of all soda cans are more contaminated than public toilets (I.e.).. Full of germs and bacteria.. So wash them with water before putting them to the mouth to avoid any kind of fatal accident.
contributed by: Em Chen

How Smart is your Right Foot?

2009-04-19T02:00:00.000-07:00

This is hysterical. You have to try this. It is absolutely true. I guess
there are some things that the brain cannot handle.

HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?

You have to try this please, it takes 2 seconds. I could not believe this!!!
It is from an orthopaedic surgeon............ This will boggle your mind
and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your
foot, but, you can't. It's pre-programmed in your brain!

1. Without anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY......) and
while sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right
foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right
hand... Your foot will change direction.

I told you so!!! And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both
know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it
again, if you've not already done so.
contributed by: Betty Manzano

The Law of the Garbage Truck

2009-03-11T13:12:00.000-07:00

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean he was really friendly.

So I asked, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!" This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, "The Law of the Garbage Truck."

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you.

Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day.

Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so...Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.

Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

Have a blessed, garbage-free day!

contributed by: Em Chen

Read the Numbers on Your Fruit

2009-03-06T07:23:00.000-08:00

Sticker labels on the fruits actually tell you how the fruits have been grown

grown with herbicides and fertilizers

- Four digits and does not start with 9

- mostly starting with the digit 4

Organic Fruit Labels

- Five digits and starts with number 9

Genetically Modified Fruits

- Start with the digit 8
contributed by: Betty Manzano

Ann Margaret - Viet Nam 1966

2009-03-01T14:58:00.000-08:00

Richard, (my husband), never really talked a lot about his time in Viet Nam other than he had been shot by a sniper. However, he had a rather grainy, 8 x 10 black and white photo he had taken at a USO show of Ann Margaret with Bob Hope in the background that was one of his treasures.

A few years ago, Ann Margaret was doing a book signing at a local bookstore. Richard wanted to see if he could get her to sign the treasured photo so he arrived at the bookstore at 12 o'clock for the 7:30 signing.

When I got there after work, the line went all the way around the bookstore, circled the parking lot and disappeared behind a parking garage. Before her appearance, bookstore employees announced that she would sign only her book and no memorabilia would be permitted.

Richard was disappointed, but wanted to show her the photo and let her know how much those shows meant to lonely GI's so far from home. Ann Margaret came out looking as beautiful as ever and, as second in line, it was soon Richard's turn.

He presented the book for her signature and then took out the photo. When he did, there were many shouts from the employees that she would not sign it. Richard said, "I understand. I just wanted her to see it."

She took one look at the photo, tears welled up in her eyes and she said, "This is one of my gentlemen from Viet Nam and I most certainly will sign his photo. I know what these men did for their country and I always have time for 'my gentlemen.'"

With that, she pulled Richard across the table and planted a big kiss on him. She then made quite a to-do about the bravery of the young men she met over the years, how much she admired them, and how much she appreciated them. There weren't too many dry eyes among those close enough to hear. She then posed for pictures and acted as if he were the only one there.

Later at dinner, Richard was very quiet. When I asked if he'd like to talk about it, my big strong husband broke down in tears. "That's the first time anyone ever thanked me for my time in the Army," he said.

That night was a turning point for him. He walked a little straighter and, for the first time in years, was proud to have been a Vet. I'll never forget Ann Margaret for her graciousness and how much that small act of kindness meant to my husband.

I now make it a point to say "Thank you" to every person I come across who served in our Armed Forces. Freedom does not come cheap and I am grateful for all those who have served their country.

On behalf of those who DO appreciate all that you did for us, thank you to each of you who receive this message who have served or are serving our country in the armed services or any other service.
forwarded by: Betty Manzano

Life in the 1500s

2009-02-22T10:03:00.000-08:00

The next time you are washing your hands
and complain because the water
temperature isn't just how you like it,
think about how things used to be.
Here are some facts about the 1500s:
These are interesting..

Most people got married in June because they
took their yearly bath in May,
and still smelled pretty good by June.
However, they were starting to smell,
so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to
hide the body odor. Hence the
custom today of carrying a bouquet
when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water.
The man of the house had the privilege of the
nice clean water, then all the other sons and men,
then the women and finally the children.
Last of all the babies.
By then the water was so dirty you could actually
lose someone in it.

Hence the saying,
Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water..

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high,
with no wood underneath.
It was the only place for animals to get warm,
so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs)
lived in the roof.
When it rained it became slippery and sometimes
the animals would slip and fall off the roof.
Hence the saying . It's raining cats and dogs.

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.
This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and
other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence,
a bed with bigposts and a sheet hung over the top afforded
some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt.
Hence the saying, Dirt poor.
The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter
when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing.
As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened
the door, it would all start slipping outside.

A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway.
Hence the saying a thresh hold..

(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle
that always hung over the fire.

Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot.
They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat.
They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in
the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day.

Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while.
Hence the rhyme, Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold,
peas porridge in the pot nine days old..

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special.
When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off.

It was a sign of wealth that a man could, bring home the bacon..
They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around
and chew the fat..

Those with money had plates made of pewter.
Food with high acid content
caused some of the lead to leach onto the food,
causing lead poisoning death.

This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years
or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status.
Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle,
and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky.
The combination would sometimes
knock the imbibers out for a couple of days.
Someone walking along the road
would take them for dead and prepare them for burial.

They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days
and the family would gather around and eat and drink and
wait and see if they would wake up.
Hence the custom of holding a wake.

England is old and small and the local folks started running
out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and
would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave.

When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found
to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized
they had been burying people alive.
So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it
through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it
to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night
(the ...graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be
saved by the bell. or was considered a ...dead ringer.!

And that's the truth...Now ,
whoever said History was boring ! ! !

contributed by: Ray Gregg

Made in the US is cheaper

2009-02-21T14:44:00.000-08:00

This may seem like a funny email but I was so surprised
by what I discovered I had to share it with you. When I think of the
job situation in this country I can't help but think this helps in some
small way.

I don't know how many households there are in the US but
if these were the only things we bought think of the impact....
This past weekend I was at Kroger. I needed 60 W light
bulbs and Bounce dryer sheets. I was in the light bulb aisle and right
next to the GE brand I normally buy was an off brand labeled "Everyday
Value" I picked up both types of bulbs and compared the stats - they
were the same except for the price. The GE bulbs were more money than
the Everyday Value brand but the thing that surprised me the most was
the fact that GE was made in MEXICO and the Everyday Value brand was
made in - get ready for this - the USA. So throw out the myth that you
cannot find products you use every day that are made right here - from a
company in Cleveland OH! So on to another aisle - Bounce Dryer
Sheets....yep you guessed it Bounce was more money and made in Canada,
the Everyday Value brand was less money and MADE IN THE USA! I did
laundry yesterday and the dryer sheets performed just like the Bounce
Free I have been using for years and at almost half the price!

So my challenge to you is to start reading the labels
when you shop for everyday things and see what you can find that is made
in the USA - the job you save may be your own or your neighbors!
contributed by: Betty Manzano

High Wall Street bonuses & fast food employee pay

2009-02-17T16:25:00.000-08:00

What would you do with an extra $18,000 in your pocket? That's the amount of extra cash each and every Burger King employee in America would have received last year if Goldman Sachs (one of the fast-food chain's largest owners) had shared its bailout billions with rank-and-file workers.

Instead, Goldman Sachs squandered 6.5 billion of our taxpayer dollars on bonuses for their financial staff. These were some of the highest bonuses on Wall Street! Meanwhile, Burger King workers earn wages averaging just $14,000 a year -- well below the federal poverty line for a family of three.

Watch the harmful effects of Wall Street's greed:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wABI2dwbQMQ

contributed by: Robert Greenwald

Frankly, I doubt anyone expects fast food resturants to pay high wages, but why should we, through the bailout by taxpayers, pay for high executive bonuses? - Bill

The USS New York -- The ship's motto? 'Never Forget'

2009-02-15T21:12:00.000-08:00

It was built with 24 tons of scrap steel from the World Trade Center.

It is the fifth in a new class of warship - designed for missions that include special operations against terrorists. It will carry a crew of 360 sailors and 700 combat-ready Marines to be delivered ashore by helicopters and assault craft.

Steel from the World Trade Center was melted down in a foundry in Amite, LA to cast the ship's bow section. When it was poured into the molds on Sept 9, 2003, 'those big rough steelworkers treated it with total reverence,' recalled Navy Capt. Kevin Wensing, who was there. 'It was a spiritual moment for everybody there.'

Junior Chavers, foundry operations manager, said that when the trade center steel first arrived, he touched it with his hand and the 'hair on my neck stood up.' 'It had a big meaning to it for all of us,' he said.

'They knocked us down. They can't keep us down. We're going to be back.'

Will you give this to my Daddy?

2009-02-15T20:57:00.000-08:00

As a Company, Southwest Airlines is going to support 'Red Fridays.'

A woman was in Atlanta, Georgia attending a conference. While in the airport, returning home, she heard several people begin to clap and cheer. She immediately turned around and witnessed one of the greatest acts of patriotism she had ever seen.

Moving through the terminal was a group of soldiers in their camos. As they began heading to their gate, everyone (well almost everyone) was abruptly to their feet with their hands waving and cheering.

When she saw the soldiers, probably 30-40 of them, being applauded and cheered for, it hit her. She wasn't not alone. She is not the only red-blooded American who still loves this country and supports our troops and their families.

Of course she immediately stopped and began clapping for these young unsung heroes who are putting their lives on the line everyday for us so we can go to school, work and home with out fear or reprisal.

Just when she thought she could not be more proud of my country or of our service men and women, a young girl, not more than 6 or 7 years old, ran up to one of the male soldiers. He kneeled down and said 'hi.'

The little girl then asked him if he would give something to her daddy for her.

The young soldier, who didn't look any older than maybe 22 himself, said he would try and what did she want to give to her Daddy. Then suddenly the little girl grabbed the neck of this soldier, gave him the biggest hug she could muster and then kissed him on the cheek.

The mot her of the little girl, who said her daughter's name was Courtney, told the young soldier that her husband was a Marine and had been in Iraq for 11 months now. As the mom was explaining how much her daughter Courtney missed her father, the young soldier began to tear up.

When this temporarily single mom was done explaining her situation, all of the soldiers huddled together for a brief second. Then one of the other servicemen pulled out a military-looking walkie-talkie. They started playing with the device and talking back and forth on it.

After about 10-15 seconds of this, the young soldier walked back over to Courtney, bent down and said this to her, 'I spoke to your daddy and he told me to give this to you.' He then hugged this little girl that he had just met and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He finished by saying 'your daddy told me to tell you that he loves you more than anything and he is coming home very soon.'

The mom at this point was crying almost uncontrollably and as the young soldier stood to his feet, he saluted Courtney and her mom. The woman was standing no more than 6 feet away from this entire event.

As the soldiers began to leave, heading towards their gate, people resumed their applause. As she stood there applauding, she looked around. There were very few dry eyes, including her own. That young soldier in one last act of selflessness, turned around and blew a kiss to Courtney with a tear rolling down his cheek.

We need to remember everyday all of our soldiers and their families and thank God for them and their sacrifices. At the end of the day, it's good to be an American.

contributed by: Betty Manzano

Only in A me rica

2009-02-15T20:41:00.000-08:00

Only in A me rica ......
do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in A me rica .....

do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in A me rica .....

do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in A me rica .....

do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in A me rica ......

do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in A me rica .....

do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER ...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why wo me n can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery?'

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice?'

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a 'broker?'

Why is the ti me of day with the slowest traffic called 'rush hour? '

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apart me nts when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal?'

contributed by: Betty Manzano

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D.

2009-02-15T20:19:00.000-08:00

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway,

I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,

I notice mail on the porch table that

I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,

put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,

and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back

on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think,

since I'm going to be near the mailbox

when I take out the garbage anyway,

I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table,

and see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study,

so I go inside the house to my desk where

I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking

I'm going to look for my checks,

but first I need to push the Pepsi aside

so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Pepsi is getting warm,

and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,

a vase of flowers on the counter

catches my eye--they need water.

I put the Pepsi on the counter and

discover my reading glasses that

I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk,

but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter,

fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.

Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,

I'll be looking for the remote,

but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table,

so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,

but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers,

but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table,

get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to

remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

the car isn't washed

the bills aren't paid

there is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter

the flowers don't have enough water,

there is still only 1 check in my check book,

I can't find the remote,

I can't find my glasses,

and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,

I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day,

and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem,

and I'll try to get some help for it,

but first I'll check my e-mail...

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!

contributed by: Ray Gregg

St. Mary's Hospital: Volunteer Services

2009-01-19T11:29:00.001-08:00

There are many ways we can support our community. We can organize activities for our neighbors, teach at Victor Valley College, tutor high school students or volunteer at St. Mary's Hospital. We have so much experience that we can share; I am continually impressed with the diversity and skills of our neighbors.

Many of our neighbors volunteer at our local hospital which helps it provide caring service for our community. Hospitals are not always reinbursed for the health care they provide because, particularly these days, some folks just don't have insurance. So this is an excellent way to pay back for all the opportunities we have enjoyed. Without volunteers, they could not provide the extra services we enjoy.

For more information click: St. Mary's Volunteer Services
or email: StMary.Volunteer@stjoe.org

Best wishes to all... Bill

It is up to you to understand "up" !!

2009-01-05T08:44:00.000-08:00

Lovers of the English language might enjoy this. It is yet another
example of why people learning English have trouble with the language.
Learning the nuances of English makes it a difficult language. (But
then, that's probably true of many languages.)

There is a two-letter word in English that perhaps has more meanings
than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.' It is listed
in the dictionary as being used as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or
[v].

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of
the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why
are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to
write UP a report? We call UP our friends and we use it to brighten
UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean
UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has a real special meaning. People stir
UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP
excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
And this up is confusing:
A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We
seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in
the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of
the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways
UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give
UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP When the sun
comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets UP the
earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on & on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now ........my time
is UP , so time to shut UP!

Don't screw up. Send this on to everyone you look up in your address book.

Now I'll shut up.

Contribution by: Stephen Smith